As far as I remember, I always wanted to be a blogger. I like to share my thoughts and receive other people’s opinion about it and learn about how they see the world and life. when I was a teenager my brother first brought a huge computer home and teach us how to use this interesting machine. when he was at work, my sister and I were playing with our new toy.
In our neighborhood we were the first family who had such amazing toy. My cousins came to our home and I was the proud engineer who could install games, do some magic with photos, work with floppies, install windows, and so on. So everyone was coming to me and ask me questions and I helped them through by getting help from my big brother. At that time I was so proud of my brother, because he knew English and he could work with a computer. in my mind he was magician, who could solve any problems.
After a while when I was also learning English, my brother taught me how to fish! he said I don’t know everything about computers, I just read what are the errors and instructions and figure out what to do. That’s when I started to learn more and more about computers.
Anyway, as my brother was a geek we were one of the first families who had internet access, and that was when my world view as a person who lived in a small village like area expanded. I found out about Yahoo chatroom and I was chatting all day and hearing about other opinions. After a while I understand that my sister chat in English with foreigners to improve her English, so I followed her and tried chatting with other nationalities. It was so amazing to be connected to other people outside of my hometown.
At that time I was very shy and introverted, so for me writing was much more easier than speaking. I felt like a super fun and powerful girl when I was writing, and in real life I was the opposite. My physical friends were always mad at me because I was always on my computer and did not spending time with them. I didn’t go to their homes because they did not have internet and I was missing writing to people.
After a while when social networks became a thing, I get addicted to google Buzz, and as you could guess my brother introduced it to me. I was reading people’s opinion and every day I learned something new. I was also emotional at that time and sometimes fall in love with a boy by his virtual appearance. most of the time they even didn’t had a real profile picture, but the way they were writing to me was so handsome. I was very strict and very scared of knowing these virtual friends in person, so I never met or talked to these people for until I met my husband! That is a long story and I want to keep it special for some other day. 🙂
In google Buzz, I was not writing much, I mostly wrote comments on other people’s posts. Every night my network and I were finding a new topic to write about and have fun and sometimes flirt stealthy in the comments. Sometimes we were writing hundreds of comments on a post, actually a post was a virtual meeting event not just a post.
I also shared beautiful nature photos and sometimes funny pictures. I was sharing my feeling with photos. After a while I start to write some short notes, but I was so cautious and checked everything thousand times. when I was receiving a bad comment or bully I immediately remove the post. At that time I wanted everyone to like me and didn’t want to loose my position in the network. I also was afraid to show my disagreement to someone’s opinion.
Sometimes I was jealous of other users who were writing big posts and expressing themselves, I knew in my heart that I need to express myself and do not be afraid of other people’s judgement, but it’s not easy to confront your fear.
Besides google Buzz, I always liked to have a blog and write, but there was two things that would not allow me to continue writing a blog. The first thing was that I was a perfectionist and wanted a great blog from the beginning. I was also afraid of failure, so I never kept writing a personal blog for more that one week. My second reason was that I never had anything to talk about. I was a normal person with normal life, without any special skill or knowledge to write about. All of these things made me a non blogger.
Now I am here, writing my first serious blog post in English. I think I finally made it, because I already wrote 10 blog posts in Farsi and now it’s a month that I am blogging! So, hooray congratulations to me! later, I will write about how I changed in my life, and why I am not afraid of writing publicly anymore.
It is so amazing to contact other people from all over the world and exchange ideas. I am happy that I live in the time that internet exist.
I will also be happy to know about your experience of writing, and even not writing. How do you feel about expressing yourself and learning about others?